I’ve ordered a paper from you with a detailed instruction, but i got 70/100 which is C-. I want you to rewrite the paper following the comments from my professor, and let me know how much I need to pay you more….
This was the instruction.
HOW TO WRITE YOUR TEXTUAL ANALYSIS
1. What is this author trying to say/do in this article?
2. Does he or she effectively meet that goal?
3. How does he or she achieve that goal? Using what techniques?
Are those techniques individually effective?
write your analysis after carefully reading and considering the text. You could easily break your analysis into five steps. Each step will require careful use of close reading skills, as well as quoting, paraphrasing, and summarizing in order to convey your point.
• Introduce/Situate: give background on the article, enough so that a general reader can understand your thesis; also introduce your thesis and give a road map for how you will conduct your analysis or organize your paper.
• Summarize: briefly (in a paragraph or two) cover the author’s main points and his or her purpose for writing; you don’t want to spend to long summarizing your writer’s points, but since you’re writing for a general audience, you must cover the basics
• Assess/Evaluate: evaluate how effectively the writer made his or her points; here you start your analysis by not only laying out the effective techniques the writer used, but also the ineffective techniques or flaws such as bandwagon, red herring or false cause in his or her writing; support your reasoning behind the techniques’ efficacy with clear examples and logic.
• Respond: BRIEFLY respond to the writer’s views—with which do you agree? Disagree? Provide support for your opinions and tie your reasons back to assumptions—both the writer’s and your own.
• Conclude: make some statement about the overall validity of the writing—was the writer successful in achieving his or her purpose? Why or why not?
You do not need to do any outside research to complete this assignment. This assignment will, instead, depend on your understanding of the text and its argument’s effectiveness. This is not a content-based argument (one in which you say how you agree or disagree with the writer based on his or her knowledge of a subject or beliefs). This is an argument-based argument, in which you are evaluating arguments, not responding to opinions. Rather than stating your expertise on the topics, think about what the author assumed or left out of his or her argument.
TIPS WHEN WRITING:
• Use the first person. Though it depends upon careful reading and logical thinking, this type of analysis is an expression of your personal opinion or experience and reflects your beliefs; you’re responding to the arguments in the text: whether you find the writing techniques effective depends on you and your personal opinion. Using the first person is absolutely acceptable.
• Show, don’t tell. One of the biggest pitfalls of textual analysis is confusing summary with analysis. Don’t just tell the reader what the article’s writer said; instead, show how the techniques make the argument more or less persuasive. Using specific examples and your own reactions to the text will be your best bet here.
All drafts must be typed, double-spaced, in Times New Roman (or equivalent) 12-point font. You should follow MLA guidelines for your paper header, and placement of your page numbers, as well as any citations.
I will grade this assignment based on my general essay grading guidelines (see syllabus or Wiki for more information). You will be specifically evaluated on how well you met the following goals, included the following content, or mastered the following skills:
• Ability to compose a critique/critical reading of a passage
• Ability to formulate an interesting and convincing argument
• Ability to use deductive reasoning to defend argument
• Ability to write summary, and paraphrase, and accurately integrate quotations into essay
• Reflects clear understanding of the chosen audience, form of writing, and purpose
• Demonstrates ability to select evidence appropriate for the audience
• Demonstrates ability to write in a voice and form appropriate for the audience
• Demonstrates ability to address opposing viewpoints through counterargument
• Demonstrates ability to smoothly integrate quotations, paraphrase, and summary
• Demonstrates ability to craft a clearly worded thesis that establishes a persuasive argument
• Body of writing successfully defends thesis
• Contains an engaging introduction and conclusion
• Demonstrates significant revision based on peer comments on draft
• Writer complies with the rules of Standard Written English
• Paragraphs are well-developed and tightly focused
• Writer uses a variety of sentence structures and lengths
• Writer uses a variety of techniques to convey a personal style and voice
16 February 2014
The article Blue-Collar Brilliance by Mike Rose is aimed at providing an informed insight in regards to the use of intelligence in blue collar jobs. Rose goes an extra mile to dispute the claim and shed light on the assertion that intelligence is acquired through formal schooling and also that white collar jobs are the ones that require intelligence to execute. Rose proves beyond reasonable doubts that even blue collar jobs are run through intelligence and also that one acquires intelligence while performing the blue collar jobs. This essay focuses on the validity of Rose’s argument about intelligence and blue collar jobs and the several techniques [CJW1] that he employs to convince the audience on his point of view.
The article centers on the relationship between intelligence, formal schooling and the kinds of jobs that require intelligence to perform. The author gives the article a title [CJW2] that summarizes his stand on the argument on intelligence in blue collar jobs. Rose starts the article by narrating [CJW3] the experiences that his mother underwent as a waitress. He provides a vivid description [CJW4] of how his mother performed the tasks for example serving multiple tables with clients who had different demands but she rarely confused their orders. Though he was a kid, he also remembers how his mother had to deal with people with different physiological and psychological needs. He however claims that his mother, Rose Meraglio was proud of her work though she had dropped from school at an early stage (Rose, 2).
Rose also borrows an example [CJW5] from his uncle who did not receive formal education but handled his work effectively. He shifted from one career to the other and in every field, he excelled. He claims that his uncle was able to handle and operate different machines through observation, experimentation and finally practice (Rose, 3). He also gives his own example on how he had difficulties while schooling but he eventually overcame this[CJW6] . With the aid of multiple examples intertwined with his knowledge in psychology, Rose is able to convince the reader that even blue collar jobs require intelligence in performance. [CJW7] On top of this, he clearly demonstrates the fact that intelligence can not only be acquired through formal schooling but also while working or in-service training.
I am intrigued by Rose’s style of writing and more so the use of personal reference as an example to back up his stand. He uses flashback [CJW8] to narrate how his mother performed her duties with passion and thus she excelled in her waitress career. The reader identifies with the topic in question easily. [CJW9] He says that though she received a little formal education, she was able to perform her duties effectively and also efficiently. She could serve multiple customers with diverse traits and personalities. This she did by devising a strategy to memorize their orders and also studying the clients’ psychological needs through interacting with them. Rose says that in this way, she was able to extract tips from the clients since she served them to their satisfaction (Rose, 2). The use of personal experiences to put across is further strengthened [CJW10] by narrating about his uncle who earned a living by skipping from one blue collar job to the next. His uncle, Joe Meraglio did not possess formal education but he was able to organize a group of workers as a human resource manager. He was also able to perform different tasks in different fields and also operate different machines through observation, experimentation and practice (Rose, 3).
The article exposes us to a new concept and a different meaning of intelligence. The author says that many people in the society relate formal education to intelligence. They also have a tendency to believe that blue collar jobs do not require intelligence to perform. Rose however presents a new angle to this notion. He views intelligence as the techniques that a person employs in his or her area of work or specialization. This is the ability to perform multiple or specialized tasks whose formal education is not a prerequisite. He provides the example of his mother and also his uncle who are able to perform their tasks efficiently despite the fact that they had not received formal education[CJW11] . He also provides the example of different occupations involving machine operations which are considered as blue collar jobs but require intelligence in form of motor skills. For example; the machines require balance, measurement and also a fine grip (Rose, 5). This entails the manipulation of a machine to perform according to one’s wish in different conditions.
The article has a major impact on the audience since the author incorporates concrete examples which are common in the society with his psychological education.[CJW12] He uses the example of people working in a group such as ferrying a heavy object downstairs or working in a group. He says that these are activities that involve interaction with diverse backgrounds and also traits. It is an activity that requires a high level of coordination and thus the reader must be intelligence to achieve the harmony of the group and consequently success in the activity. He also uses a real life example to demonstrate motor skills at work. He says that an auto mechanic makes uses all his senses at work such as smell, sound sight and also vibration to detect a problem in a vehicle (Rose, 5).
Though Rose crafts an article that the reader can identify with, he focuses on one side of the issue. [CJW13] He fails to explore intelligence that is used in white collar jobs. I feel that he should have presented a scenario in which a person with formal education lacked intelligence and thus performed poorly at work. This would have strengthened his argument since he would have had a reference point in regards to the association of formal education and intelligence.[CJW14] In a nutshell, Rose’s article is more of an informative essay rather than an argumentative essay. [CJW15]
Rose, Mike. “Questioning assumptions about intelligence, work and social class.”Blue-Collar Brilliance 1.1. 6.
Here’s the comment from the professor
This paper reads mostly as summary. It’s a strong summary that focuses on the clear points Rose is making, but it doesn’t do much by way of analysis. Occasionally, you have some analytical statements that relate back to the audience, but often you have statements that are just summarizing what Rose is arguing. The point of this paper was to analyze what he was doing. And even though you come to the conclusion in the end that he was mostly informing his reader of his opinion, he’s still working to lay a case. That means the techniques are still an important part of the article here. You mention some of them in the beginning of your paper, but you don’t come back to them, or use them to frame any analysis. I think this paper needs a lot of revising to make it really fit what I wanted this assignment to practice.
First, I’d suggest you look closely at your thesis. Right now, it’s very broad. You say that he uses techniques, but don’t say what they are. If you can frame your argument right from the beginning, the reader can sometimes see the potential in the various points you make after that. However, since you don’t have a strong thesis, all of your paragraphs seem unrelated and disjointed, and don’t work to serve your purpose. Make your purpose clear, and your readers will follow you through an argument.
Then, I’d suggest you look at the techniques you’re discussing. The examples are techniques, especially because they’re personal observations. You can use each of these in several ways, but what you want to do with each is describe the example—his mother’s story, for example—and then analyze it closely. Show how her story helps persuade the reader. What it does is it provides a human face for Rose’s theory, and he supports her intelligence through careful examples that work to convince the reader. Bring everything here back to the reader and how persuasive things are. But walk us through slowly how the specific example works. Then move on to the next one, or the next technique. What you want to do is make your claim about the technique, show an example, analyze that example, and then make sure everything connects back to your thesis. The more you do this, the better.
Lastly, I want you to watch your citations. Right now, you have very few. You need MORE because this is mostly summary. I didn’t point them all out because it was almost the whole paper. Any sentence in which you reference info from Rose’s article needs to be cited back to him in either a signal phrase, or a parenthetical citation. Make sure you’re doing these! We’ll talk more about how and when to do them in class.
I feel like you really understand this article, but your paper doesn’t show the careful analysis I needed you to do here. I would recommend your revise this paper to get the analysis practice down.
[CJW1]Like what? The more specific you can get here, the better.
[CJW2]Is this one of your techniques?
[CJW3]Is this a technique?
[CJW6]Is this? You need to be clear about what your techniques are that you’re analyzing so your reader can focus on any of the many things you’re listing here. The better you frame the argument in your thesis and in yoru topic sentences of your paragraphs, the better off you’ll be.
[CJW7]How is he able to convince the reader? Use examples, and then analyze them to really prove this point.
[CJW8]Is this one of your techniques?
[CJW9]How? What makes the reader identify with the topic?
[CJW10]So, how do these affect the reader? How do these examples help convince the reader? You need to show us by describing the examples Rose uses and then analyzing how they work.
[CJW11]I feel like you’re just repeating yourself here, over and over again, and you’re not really telling us how these examples prove anything! You need to be careful here to examine how they help the reader feel persuaded, which you’re not doing at all.
[CJW12]Okay, this is getting more analytical. But the rest of this paragraph is just a summary of the article, not orginal thoughts or analysis.
[CJW13]This is also analytical! Looking at flaws can help you understand the failed techniques.
[CJW15]Yes. Okay. Could you prove this point with the various techniques he used? The more you can show how this helped make his case—even if he was just trying to inform—the better.